The ADHD and Trauma Connection: How Brainspotting Heals More Than Focus
You’re Not Lazy or Broken
One word—Overwhelmed!
If this word is in your daily vocabulary, you might be living life with ADHD and not even realize it.
If you’ve ever felt like your brain is always buzzing, like you’re forgetting things, missing deadlines, or constantly overwhelmed, then this blog is for you. Maybe you’ve spent years thinking you just need to try harder, be more organized, or get it together. But the truth is, many women grew up with undiagnosed ADHD and carry around a lot of shame because of it.
You may look like you have it all together on the outside—maybe you’re a mom, a successful businesswoman, or the friend everyone depends on. But inside? You’re tired. You’re scattered. You’re always trying to catch up. This lifetime of misunderstandings, criticisms, and rejections you experienced likely led to complex and ongoing trauma—something you have been struggling to manage, with little relief, and that’s exacerbating your ADHD.
So let’s talk about what ADHD really looks like in women, how trauma and ADHD are connected, and how Brainspotting therapy can help you feel calmer, more focused, and more connected to yourself.
What ADHD Looks Like in Women
Most people think ADHD means someone is bouncing off the walls or can’t sit still. That’s how it shows up in a lot of boys. But in girls and women, ADHD often looks very different.
Many women with ADHD:
Daydream a lot or have trouble paying attention
Struggle to finish tasks or forget deadlines
Difficulty working in noisy or busy environments
Struggle with zoning out when others are talking
Get overwhelmed easily
Are always running late or forgetting things
Don’t like tedious tasks, such as paperwork, chores, or busy work
Are easily distracted by what is going on in your head
ADHD in women is often missed because we learn to mask it. We try harder. We push through. We become helpers, caretakers, or perfectionists in our jobs. And because we’re not disruptive, we often fly under the radar.
Masking doesn’t always look the same for women with ADHD. Perhaps you were the girl in class who was always talking to her friends, yet still managed to complete your work on time. Or maybe you were the girl in class who was shy and quiet and would never raise your hand, even if you didn’t understand the material. Either way, you might have felt like no one understood you or like you were falling apart on the inside.
ADHD Often Goes Undiagnosed in Women
Many women don’t find out they have ADHD until adulthood or sometimes at all. The hyperactive/impulsive type of ADHD is more often noticed in males, leading to more awareness of symptoms and getting diagnosed. This leads to ADHD symptoms in girls and women being misdiagnosed or not recognized at all. Hence, the masking women do to hide their ADHD behaviors or to fit in with their peers.
Women may go years before they really start to notice their symptoms, and often these symptoms don’t stand out until after a big life change, like becoming a mom, starting a new job, or complete burnout. That’s when the old coping skills stop working, and everything feels overwhelming.
It can be confusing because you may have been doing "okay" for years. Maybe you were even praised for being hardworking or dependable. But what no one saw was the mental chaos it took to keep up.
Women with undiagnosed ADHD often struggle with:
Low self-esteem
Anxiety and depression
Feeling like a failure
Trouble keeping up with daily life
This isn't because you're not trying hard enough. It's because your brain works differently. And for many women, that difference is shaped not just by ADHD, but by trauma too.
Trauma and ADHD
While trauma doesn’t cause ADHD, it can make ADHD symptoms much harder to manage. Women with ADHD are also at a higher risk for trauma exposure throughout their lives. You may be more likely to experience bullying, teasing, or social rejection due to how your brain functions and how you present yourself in the world.
On top of that, ADHD often comes with a less flexible nervous system. Research shows that people with ADHD tend to have lower heart rate variability (HRV), which means their bodies have a harder time bouncing back from stress. When a stressful or traumatic event happens, the ADHD brain and body may stay stuck in that state longer, making regulation harder.
Trauma can also look a lot like ADHD. Both can include:
Trouble focusing or paying attention
Poor memory
Restlessness or feeling on edge
Emotional outbursts or difficulty managing feelings
Emotional dysregulation
Trouble sleeping
Substance use
Because of this overlap, many women with ADHD don’t realize how much trauma is affecting them. If you live in a body that's constantly activated—always on alert, always bracing for what’s next—then traditional strategies like planners, productivity hacks, or therapy focused solely on thinking patterns may not be effective. Your nervous system needs to feel safe first.
That’s where Brainspotting comes in.
What Is Brainspotting Therapy?
Brainspotting is a type of therapy that helps you heal by working simultaneously with your brain and body. It’s based on the idea that where you look affects how you feel.
In a Brainspotting session, you work with a trained therapist who helps you find a specific "spot" in your visual field—a place your eyes naturally go when you think about something hard, painful, or activating. While you focus on that spot, your brain processes the emotional and physical experiences tied to it.
It’s a gentle, nonverbal process that allows your body and nervous system to release old patterns and stored stress.
Brainspotting is especially helpful for people who:
Have trauma or PTSD
Struggle with emotional regulation
Feel stuck or overwhelmed
Have trouble with traditional talk therapy
How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help Women With ADHD
For women with ADHD—especially those with trauma histories—Brainspotting offers something powerful: a sense of safety and connection to yourself.
Here’s how it can help:
Calms the Nervous System
ADHD brains often live in "go mode." Brainspotting helps bring your body into a calmer, more grounded state. When your nervous system feels safe, it becomes easier to focus, think clearly, and make informed decisions.Releases Shame and Self-Blame
Many women with ADHD carry deep shame—"Why am I not good enough?" Brainspotting helps uncover and release those painful beliefs stored in the body.Heals Trauma That Feeds ADHD Symptoms
If your ADHD is mixed with trauma, Brainspotting can gently process those early experiences. That can reduce emotional reactivity, people-pleasing, and anxiety.Builds Self-Awareness
Because it’s body-based, Brainspotting helps you become aware of what’s happening inside—your feelings, body sensations, thoughts, and triggers. This can make it easier to recognize when you’re dysregulated and respond with compassion.Supports Executive Function
When your brain isn’t stuck in fight-or-flight mode, you can think more clearly. That means making decisions, starting tasks, and following through becomes more doable.
You Deserve to Feel Peaceful and Whole
ADHD in women is real. It’s exhausting. And it’s often tangled up with layers of trauma, pressure, and self-doubt. But there is hope.
You don’t need to push harder. You don’t need to be more perfect. You need to feel safe in your body. You need support that honors your story, your unique wiring, and your healing journey.
Brainspotting can help you slow down, reconnect, and feel at home inside yourself again.
If this sounds like your story, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it out by yourself. I offer online therapy for women in Idaho who are tired of feeling scattered, stressed, and stuck. Together, we can help your brain and body find the calm and clarity you deserve.
Ready to take the next step?
At Mountain River Therapy, I offer trauma-informed therapy, including Brainspotting and EMDR, to help you heal from past experiences and embrace your unique and authentic self.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Schedule a 20-minute consultation call to learn more.
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Jarae Swanstrom is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor practicing online throughout Idaho. She believes in a holistic approach to therapy, focusing on healing the whole body. Jarae helps women heal trauma causing perfectionism, people-pleasing, and emotional eating. Learn more about Jarae or schedule a free consultation at mountainrivertherapy.com.
